Original message:
I believe that my mental health is starting to deteriorate at a faster rate than usual. I am usually able to handle the stress of education, family and my relationship but recently everything has become very overwhelming and all I do is lay in bed. I experience severe anxiety when I think about attending classes, so much so that I experience anxiety attacks which apparently mimics a seizure. I do not know if this is relevant but I am always fatigued. Legit always tired. I usually enjoy waking up early to go to classes and I enjoyed learning but recently I have not enjoyed anything. In the back of my mind I know that I love the course that I’m studying and I am very interested in it. I know that I am capable of doing better and I am capable of succeeding in my course. However, I hate everything. The activities that made me happy no longer bring me satisfaction. I only go into lectures that are absolutely compulsory for me to attend or if I have a good week where my mind isn’t telling me to stay home and not be judged. I want to fix this. I want to be confident again. I believe I am dragging myself back educationally. In the forefront of my mind I am aware that I am experiencing severe depression and the more I stay home, the worse it gets. It also gets worse because I am so self aware of the mood changes. I want to get back to how are used to be. Where I was happy and I enjoyed everything that I do. Due to my recent low mood, I have been eating compulsively, even when I don’t need to. This has caused me to gain at least 30kg in the past year. This has further caused serious mental anguish. I am currently trying to lose the weight but my mental health keeps getting the best of me. I’ve been with my partner for five years, this year has been the most difficult for me mentally. I have had multiple breakdowns where I unintentionally raise my voice at my partner when I’m irritated. I have also become very irritable. As you can imagine. This has affected our relationship greatly. She feels so helpless when I tell my frustrations and she does so much for me already and I’m grateful so I try not to burden her with further with my issues. She also feels as though I don’t love her as much I did because I stay to myself and I just want to be alone but that’s not the case. I’ve told her many times, that I enjoy her company, I enjoy being around her, I want to lay on her, I want to cuddle her and I want to have fun with her and do activities outside of the house with her but for some reason I can’t bring myself to do it. As if there’s a mental barrier that is stopping me from being affectionate. The area in which we live, I feel as though we are outcasts because we are young black lesbian couple in a predominately white city. I bring this up because it makes me feel like everyone is watching us and in actuality, they usually do stare when we are outside displaying minor acts of affection like holding hands or giving the other a light kiss. I used to not care about how people perceived me but all of sudden moving here to study, I just want I have this ever growing concern of what people thought of me. All I know is, I know I have changed but I want to do this thing so desperately I want to go back to how it was when I was so happy and I did my work beforehand, I attended every lesson and I went out of my way to make sure that my girlfriend was happy. I’m tired of pretending to be happy, I want feeling to be be genuine now. the reason why I’m here is because I know it can get better and that I want live my life with my partner, have and watch my kids grow and as i strive for the better life, whatever this mental barrier is, it just keeps getting in the way. I think it’s time that I no longer put it off and I require outside support. I would like try various treatments before having to be prescribed medication. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Wellbeing Team

Thank you for reaching out and sending this message. It sounds like you are going through a really difficult period in your life. The symptoms you have described are ones that we work with a lot within the service and can offer you support with yours. Please self-refer to us by calling 0300 3030 923 or fill in an online form https://www.staffsandstokewellbeing.nhs.uk/pages/self-refer we can then book you into an initial appointment and discuss the treatment options with you. 

thank you,

The Wellbeing Service

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