Some time ago I went through a really rough patch ending in me planning to take my own life, I saw no way out and the strain was too much, every day felt like wading through treacle. Thankfully I didn't go through with it and I listened to my family and sought help. I was referred to the Stafford and Stoke-on-Trent Wellbeing service by my doctor but you can self refer. I would encourage anyone to do this, my counsellor was kind, caring and understanding, never pushed me to go faster than I was comfortable with, the power of being listened to is an amazing experience.
This was just after the main lockdowns of Covid so thankfully could see someone face to face and I started to see it as my safe space, it became somewhere I actually looked forward to going, week by week I would feel a little better and things started to look up. I never really believed that counselling was for me, I couldn't really see how it could worked but I was so wrong. You have been through trauma after trauma and it's not surprising you are struggling with this. Just being able to offload some of the hurt and pain helps so very much. Please don't be scared, pick up the phone and talk to someone, it changed my life. I honestly think it could change yours too.
I finally decided to get some help today and spoke to someone from the Wellbeing service. I could not believe how kind and understanding they were. They just sounded like a friend who wanted to help. No judging or pushing into anything. They gave me time to explain myself and actually helped me to say what life is really like. You know, it's really fine to phone and say you're really scared and just need to talk to someone.
Thats really great to hear that you had a positive experience at the service, we always endevour to make it a comfortable environment for people to share their experiences and seek some support. Of course we are aware that so many of us feel nervous when we seek help for the first time but well done on taking that first step.