Original message:
Hello All, First at all I would like to apologise as English is not my first language. I had miscarriage... There are no words to describe the way I feel. It hurts. I'm struggling. I'm falling apart each day over and over again. I'm waking up often during the night, start to cry and keep asking why? It was such an amazing feeling when I found out I'm pregnant. The knowledge that a little human is growing under my heart.. I always wanted  kids, I was so happy and so ready to become a mather and then.. all I have left is emptiness I can not and don't know how to pull myself together. I feel fears all the time and don't know why. I'm scared to walk onto the toilet as every single time I need to use it I remind myself of thay day... the picture of  blood and pain. I feel nervous when I'm thinking about work, I'm working with people, and I need to be there for them but right now I feel so down and so not ready to be back to work.. I had a moments when I thought it's a bit better as I left a bedroom,  made myself a tea or pet my cat, but soon after I'm having a big breakdown and keep crying. People are asking how am I? I don't even know how to answer that question.  It's the worse question ever you can ask a women who had miscarriage.. I feel like I can't tell them how I really feel but I can't also lie that I'm better because I'm not. I don't even know how to speak with my partner.. I feel quilty,  I wasn't able to keep our baby safe. I failed. And what about future? I would love to have children, but how to deal with all the fears after miscarriage if I get pregnant again? How do I make the second one safe? I'm sorry for so long message.. I just had to share it with someone..
Wellbeing Team

Sorry that you are going through such a difficult time at the moment.
If you would like some formal support we have practitioners who work with perinatal ladies and families to offer support around anxieties about re-conceiving or support with loss.
If you call us on 0300 3030 923 or self refer online you will have a first appointment with a trained wellbeing practitioner who will help you look at the different treatment options available to you.

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